Sample Parenting Plan
Table of Contents
Book Reviews
Buy Parenting After Divorce
This revised and updated second edition features ideas from
the latest research, more information on long-distance parenting, dealing with the courts,
and working with a difficult co-parent. "Parents argue a lot before a divorce," says Dr. Stahl.
"If they continue to argue after the divorce, their children will suffer." Stahl knows parents
are not perfect, and he uses that knowledge to show imperfect parents how to settle their
differences in the best interests of the children.
Often required reading in court-mandated divorce education classes, Parenting
After Divorce includes chapters on: Conflict, Communication, Co-Parenting and Competition;
It's Time for a Truce; Your Child is Not a Percentage; Your Child's Childhood; Talking to Your
Children; Children Aren't Property; Parenting Responsibly on Your Own; Taking Care of
Yourself; Resolving Parent Conflicts; Dealing with Special Problems; Dealing with the Courts;
Children's Thoughts and Feelings (a chapter by children).
FROM THE AUTHOR
I've spent the last 20 years of my professional life working with children and families
of divorce. In more recent years, it has become a near-exclusive practice, as I have been a
therapist, child custody evaluator, mediator, Special Master, researcher, author, and trainer
in the field. I have actively participated with the Association of Family and Conciliation
Courts (AFCC) and the American Psychological Association (APA) and local inter-disciplinary
committees of professionals in trying to promote a better understanding of how divorce affects
children and families and to learn what parents can do to help their children adjust in a
healthier way to divorce. This book, meant for the parents of divorce, is an outgrowth of
that work.
I am also a divorced father and bring a personal perspective to my professional life.
I have shared custody of my children, and I've tried to follow the guidelines I encourage in
this book. I have seen what works, and what doesn't. Like all parents, I have made mistakes
and tried to learn from them. Finally, I have talked with my own children about my professional
and personal observations, as well as their feelings and experiences.
In this book, I have tried to provide you, the reader, with a different perspective on
divorce. Your divorce doesn't have to damage your children, especially if you take the time
and effort to be a responsible parent and limit your children's exposure to your conflicts. I
know that most parents want to raise their children in an emotionally healthy way, and I'm
confident that you will find my suggestions and insights helpful.
I have also learned a lot from children over the years. The effects of divorce on children
can be many or few, depending on how parents handle things. Usually, parents argue a lot
before getting a divorce. If they continue arguing after the divorce, their children are
likely to suffer. If parents learn to settle their differences and become more content and
happier after the divorce, they can usually do a more effective job of parenting. Their
children will be more likely to adjust well. In this book, I will share observations from
many children when their own parents divorced. You'll find some of their comments throughout
the book, others in an entire chapter devoted to the words of children. If you learn from
their words, as I have, you can help your own children.
In the real world, divorcing parents are often in conflict, and lots of arguments are
the rule, not the exception. "However, if parents continue to argue after the divorce," says
Dr. Philip Stahl, "the children will suffer." Stahl knows parents are not perfect, and in this
book he shows imperfect parents how to settle their differences in the best interests of their
children.
FROM THE PUBLISHER
Here at last is a realistic perspective on divorce and its effects on children. PARENTING
AFTER DIVORCE features knowledgeable advice from an expert custody evaluator. Packed with
real-world examples, this book avoids idealistic assumptions, and offers practical help from
divorcing parents, custody evaluators, family court counselors, marriage and family therapists,
and others interested in the well-being of children.
Dr. Stahl's advice will help you avoid the dozen most common mistakes that divorcing
parents make -- and spare you the emotional and financial damage they can cost you and your
children. His 30-point "sample parenting plan" sets a new standard for families who want to
bring order out of the usual chaos of parenting after divorce. The chapter, "What Your Kids
Really Think," is by itself worth the price of the book.
This is a powerful, practical book that every divorcing parent should read while there's
still time to ensure a secure and healthy future for their children.
Editorial Reviews
Andrew Schepard, J.D., Hofstra University
"A wise and practical book for divorcing parents..."
Phil Bushard, Past President, Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
"An important read!"
Hon. Arline S. Rotman, Associate Justice, Family Court, Boston, MA
"A treasure trove of practical, down to earth, easy to understand information."
Rhonda B. Barovsky, LCSW, BCD, Program Manager, Family Court Services, San Francisco, CA
"...one of the best books...written for...divorced parents who want to create the healthiest
family life...for their children..."
